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This is a tough one. I'm sure Lisa will chime in with some great suggestions. Here's what I'm thinking. In general, a parent cannot dictate who the staff member is - but can dictate that they be trained to provide the necessary services and accommodations to the child. So that would be one question to look into: What is the training of the person(s) the school is considering for his 1:1? If not sufficient (you'll need a report that sets out what your son needs), make that argument (which might lead to them hiring someone else). You could also ask that during the transition period (and this is a huge transition) that your son's current care attendant be allowed to be the aid in tandem with whoever will be fulling this role at the school. It might make the transition easier and you have the letter that this is recommended. You would, of course, have to pay/have Medicaid pay for the current care attendant's time to help with the transition. I don't know much about how Medicaid factors into this. Does this funding stop when a child reaches Kindergarten? Or would it be possible to continue with the same care attendant and just obtain the school's approval that this person be the 1:1? (Can't see why they would object to this - would help them out tremendously - but there could be liability issues, union issues, etc.) This is not my area of expertise so just speaking generally. Hopefully others with more experience will join the discussion.

Ugh, what a mess—and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. The short answer? No, they should not be threatening to move your son back to his old school because of absences related to his disability. Here’s why: This is a disability-related attendance issue Your son has ADHD and severe anxiety, both of which are documented disabilities. The absences are excused and tied to medical and therapeutic needs, which means this isn’t just a truancy issue—it’s a disability access issue. Placement decisions must be based on the IEP—not attendance numbers IDEA requires that placement decisions (which include which school he attends) be made by the IEP team and based on the least restrictive environment for that student—not on whether a principal or teacher is frustrated with absences. They cannot unilaterally change his placement because it’s more convenient or “easier for them.” This could be disability discrimination under Section 504 If the school is penalizing your child because of disability-related absences, that can be seen as discrimination. Especially if the absences are backed by doctor’s notes and tied to therapy or health care. You need to put this in writing—now Send a formal letter/email to the school (cc the principal, IEP case manager, and district special ed director) stating: The absences are due to documented disabilities and supported by medical notes You are requesting that the IEP be reviewed and amended to include accommodations for medical-related absences You want written confirmation that they are not moving him without an IEP team meeting and without your consent And make it crystal clear: if they attempt to move him based on absences, you’ll consider it a procedural violation and possible 504/ADA discrimination. Also—document the teacher’s complaints if you haven’t already. That kind of pressure can sometimes lead to retaliation, and it’s better to have a paper trail. You’re doing exactly what you should: standing up and asking questions. Now it’s time to put it in writing and hold the district accountable. You’ve got this.

You can get a BIP without an FBA, but it's not best practice. More here: https://adayinourshoes.com/behavior-iep-special-education/ And, more here (sorry I'm on my way out the door): https://adayinourshoes.com/one-on-one-aide-paraprofessional-iep-special-education/

I feel an eval is needed. Reading should be assessed so she can have access to audiobooks in college. (Are audiobooks a current accommodation?) Let them do the RR (likely what they have time to do & be in compliance for triennial eval timelines) and then the full eval over the summer. She seems more like SDL Reading than OHI but dyslexia and ADHD & EF issues as well as anxiety can be comorbid. If you do college visits this summer, pop into the disabilities office and ask them what they want in order to provide accommodations. I have an advocate friend who suggests a disabled child stay within a 2-3 hour radius of home in case parents need to stop by and help them during the course of their college career.

First—great job pushing to get this clarified in the IEP. Vague accommodations are basically useless when every teacher gets to “interpret” them differently. A few tips to consider: Define It in Plain Language Example: “Student will receive two additional school days, not calendar days, beyond the original due date for all assignments, unless otherwise mutually agreed upon in writing.” Add Clarification for When Teachers Are Absent Example: “If the teacher is absent on the original or extended due date, the due date will automatically extend by the number of days the teacher is unavailable.” Include a Communication Expectation Example: “Teachers will communicate any adjusted due dates in writing (email or learning management system) so the student and parent have clear documentation.” Specify for Tests and Quizzes Example: “Student will receive time and a half for all in-class tests and quizzes, consistent with College Board-approved accommodations.” Request Staff Training or Clarification Ask that teachers be given written instructions from the case manager or IEP team about how this is supposed to work across all classes. You’re definitely on the right track. Tightening up the language now will save you a ton of headaches later.

Whew—this is such a powerful, clear, and unfortunately very common story for 2e (twice exceptional) kids in public school. First, you’re doing everything right—you’ve documented, provided outside data, shown samples, advocated consistently, and kept the focus on your child’s actual experience—not just the grades or scores. Here’s the heart of the issue: your son is masking his disabilities with his strengths, and the school is choosing to see only the strengths. That’s not just frustrating—it’s a systemic failure for so many 2e kids. You're right that "relative to ability" isn't part of the eligibility criteria under IDEA anymore, and that makes it harder to qualify under SLD if a student is still performing at or above grade level. But nothing in the law says schools can't consider the discrepancy between a student’s ability and their actual performance—or how hard they’re working to maintain those grades. That’s a red flag the team is ignoring. Here are some suggestions and next steps: 1. Ask for an Independent Educational Evaluation (IEE) at public expense. If the school’s reevaluation was surface-level or didn't fully assess his functional performance, especially in reading and writing under stress or timed conditions, this is your next move. You have the right to request it if you disagree with their evaluation. Read up before you do this (info on my site) because if the school declines, they're required to file for due process. 2. Ask for data on how the writing accommodations are being implemented. Teacher conferencing sounds nice, but without documentation, it's fluff. Ask: How often is it happening? What is being taught or corrected? How is progress tracked? I have a mini course on IEP progress monitoring. 3. Push for goals and services in written expression. You have the samples. You have the documentation. He’s not meeting grade-level expectations independently. Use that language. Ask for a meeting to specifically address writing fluency, spelling, and on-demand writing without supports. 4. Bring in the emotional impact. Stress, shutdown, refusal—these are all signs that he's not accessing the curriculum in a meaningful, functional way. Emotional distress is educational impact under IDEA. 5. Reframe the “good grades” argument. Say: “Good grades with heavy scaffolding are not the same as skill mastery. He is not progressing independently or sustainably. That’s not FAPE.” 6. Consider requesting an FBA. If he's overwhelmed, shutting down, or showing behavior at home tied to school stress, an FBA for emotional regulation in response to school demands might help. It also gives you a documented path toward support if burnout increases. 7. Lean into transition goals as you head toward high school. That self-advocacy skill you mentioned? That should be in the IEP. You can ask for direct instruction in self-advocacy and executive functioning as he prepares for the next stage. I know it’s exhausting—and it’s not fair that your son’s strengths are being used against him. But the fact that he wants to be in school, wants to do well, and is finally starting to speak up for himself? That’s a huge win. You’re not overreacting. You’re seeing the iceberg the school is trying to ignore—and trying to steer your son safely past it. I have sample language for these requests, letter templates, in the IEP toolkit which is being revised right now. You're doing an incredible job.

Is the "evaluation meeting" the first evaluation meeting and the one to determine eligibility for the first time? Also, what eligibility categories are you going to be looking at? If you're looking at specific learning disabilities, then an evaluation showing low scores in academics could definitely (and legally) take into consideration all the absences as a reason for the low scores. Especially if those absences have reached the point of non-compliance with state policy/regs. However, if the disability is something like ADHD, maybe that is the reason FOR the absences. What was the reason the parents chose an online school and is it through the school district?

I remember being in a meeting with my special ed director. She said that the school is obligated to meet the needs of students - it's really another way of saying they need to provide FAPE. Doesn't matter if what the student needs currently exists or not. They need to meet his neets. If it is appropriate for him to take Regents Chemistry as a co-taught class, they need to provide it. I'm not from NY so I'm not exactly sure what a Regents Chemistry does versus the non-Regents version of the class. I did find this with doing a search of case law in NY: https://scholar.google.com/scholar_case?case=3365753441522273465&q=co+taught+regents&hl=en&as_sdt=4,33 If he's denied the class, he's being denied the Regents diploma. If the Regents diploma is FAPE, he need the co-taught Regents class.

It really just depends if it's going to open the door for you to get more services for the child, and if you want the services. Here in PA, it's advantageous to do so, but every place and every family is different. I've written about this quite a bit, to explain the differences. https://adayinourshoes.com/autism-whats-the-difference-between-medical-and-educational-diagnoses/

Short answer, yes, absolutely. There is nothing in Section 504 or IDEA that prohibits a school from doing this. https://adayinourshoes.com/can-a-504-plan-excuse-a-childs-absences/ Yes—1000% yes—an IEP can and should include accommodations for a chronic medical condition. What your team told you? That they “can only note it in Parent Concerns” and not include it as an accommodation? That’s straight-up and completely wrong under IDEA. Students with chronic health conditions—like your son's antibody deficiency—can qualify for special education services under the “Other Health Impairment (OHI)” category in IDEA. The key? The condition must impact the student’s strength, vitality, or alertness, and limit their ability to access their education—which, with 20% absences, is clearly happening. Accommodations and modifications in the IEP can address: Attendance and makeup work Flexible deadlines Modified instructional delivery Adjusted course expectations if needed Grading policies that reflect medical challenges, not just missed days Credit recovery options or waivers And Yes—Absences Can Be Excused in an IEP Schools do not get to just say, “We don’t excuse absences for chronic illness.” That’s illegal if it results in denying your child a Free and Appropriate Public Education (FAPE). The IEP team can and should put in writing: “Absences due to chronic illness or flare-ups will be excused with parent or medical documentation.” “Student will be allowed to make up missed work without penalty.” “Instructional support will be provided during prolonged absences, including access to class notes, recorded lessons, or homebound services if necessary.” What They Told You = Saying “we’ll just note it in Parent Concerns” is not a valid accommodation plan. That’s just… documentation theater. It does nothing to support your child when he’s missing class, falling behind, and potentially being told he won’t pass junior year. What You Can Say at the Next Meeting “I am requesting that the IEP include specific accommodations related to [Child’s Name]’s chronic medical condition, including excused absences with documentation and academic support during and after absences. Simply documenting this in ‘Parent Concerns’ does not constitute a meaningful accommodation and does not ensure FAPE.” You can also cite guidance from the U.S. Department of Education, which has been very clear: chronic illness is a valid basis for IEP eligibility and accommodations. (Ask them if they’d like you to send a link.) Admittedly, the Guidance Letters and Dear Colleague letters feel like thin ice right now. However, we have not been instructed as a nation, that ANYTHING has changed as far as Section 504 or IDEA. YES, the IEP can and should include accommodations for chronic illness. And the school saying it can’t? Not just wrong, but possibly violating IDEA. Keep pushing. You’re right. They're not. If you want specifics on details of how to gather data, document, ask the team and respond, check out my online training. Link in signature.

YES—what you’re describing absolutely could warrant an IEP. You're not just being protective or overly cautious—you're seeing real, documented barriers to access, despite the school handing out “good grades” like they prove everything is fine. (Spoiler: they don’t.) “Effective Progress” ≠ “Good Grades” Schools love to lean on grades to show a student is “doing fine.” But under IDEA, “effective progress” means progress appropriate for the student, considering their unique needs—not just whether they’re pulling an A on a worksheet with 80% of it reduced or dictated to someone else. You said it yourself: "How can a 6th grader who doesn’t write their own essay or have the work reduced 80% be making effective progress?" Exactly. He’s accessing the curriculum through intense modification and scaffolding—which is fine! But that’s the definition of needing specially designed instruction (aka, an IEP). Dictation ≠ Writing Instruction Adding dictation as a 504 accommodation isn’t a fix—it’s a band-aid. Yes, it helps with access, but it doesn’t address the underlying skill deficit in written expression. Kids with dysgraphia and executive functioning issues like ADHD often need explicit, specialized instruction in: Organizing ideas Developing paragraphs Mechanics and syntax Planning, drafting, and revising That's instructional support, not just an access tool. And that’s where pull-out or push-in ELA support through an IEP comes in. When a student is writing “I am stupid” on tests, shutting down during writing tasks, and visibly distressed during classwork, that’s not just a mental health issue, it’s a symptom of a mismatch between what he’s being asked to do and what his current supports can actually address. Yes, he has access to the adjustment counselor through his 504, but that doesn’t resolve the instructional mismatch and the writing-based performance anxiety. These need to be addressed together, not siloed off. What to Bring to the Meeting Data + Documentation Bring copies of the assignments that were reduced, the math test with the “I’m stupid” note, and any communications showing how much support he’s needing just to get through assignments. Highlight Skill Deficits, Not Grades Say: “We’re not seeing independent skills. We’re seeing workarounds. That’s not the same as progress.” Use IDEA Language “My child requires specially designed instruction in written expression to make meaningful progress in the general education curriculum. Accommodations alone are no longer sufficient.” Ask for SDI Goals Even if they push for just a 504 revision, ask: “What’s the school’s plan for directly teaching writing? How will that be tracked and measured? Bottom line: this is exactly the kind of situation IDEA was written for. A child who’s smart, but struggling because they’re being patched through instead of taught in the way they need. You're absolutely right to push for an IEP, and you’ve already laid the groundwork beautifully with your eval requests.

You’re already walking into that meeting with a solid plan. Honestly? Great job on how you’ve framed this—especially your focus on FAPE, Child Find, and using legal precedent. You’re doing exactly what a good advocate should: connecting the dots between the emotional impact, the lack of access, and the school’s legal obligations. Here are a few ideas you might add to your strategy—some are small tweaks, some are additional leverage: 6. School-Based Counseling IS a Related Service under IDEA If the school is denying counseling with a flippant “she doesn’t need it,” ask: Where is that determination documented in the IEP or any evaluation? If it’s not in the IEP or based on an evaluation, that’s a procedural violation. Under IDEA, counseling is a related service that must be provided if it’s needed for the student to benefit from special education. Suggested language: “Given the documented emotional impact of her learning challenges and current refusal to attend school, counseling should be added to the IEP as a related service. This is consistent with 34 CFR § 300.34.” 7. Demand Data (Or Highlight the Lack of It) Has the team provided any progress monitoring or data on emotional or behavioral functioning? If not, ask: “How is the team determining that current supports are appropriate when there is no consistent data being gathered on emotional regulation, anxiety, or attendance?” Bonus: If attendance data shows a pattern, use it to demonstrate lack of access to instruction, a cornerstone of FAPE. 8. Assistive Technology (AT) Consideration If she’s refusing to attend due to anxiety, but still shows academic potential, request an AT assessment for remote access to instruction while the team works on placement. No, it's not a long-term solution—but it's a bridge that shows you're trying to keep her engaged while they get their act together. 9. Refer to OCR and State Guidance You might also drop this little reminder: The Office for Civil Rights (OCR) has repeatedly stated that anxiety and school avoidance are not “voluntary” behaviors, and districts must address the emotional health of students under both IDEA and Section 504. 10. And Finally—Document Parent Requests for Comp Ed If she’s missed substantial instructional time due to the district’s delay in addressing her emotional needs, mention that the parent reserves the right to request compensatory education. No need to demand it yet—but drop it as a breadcrumb. You're already 10 steps ahead of where most teams expect you to be. Add a little more heat to that sauce with these points, and you’ll make it very clear: this isn’t just a “kid with test anxiety”—this is a denial of FAPE, a Child Find fail, and a procedural mess waiting to become a legal problem for them.

putting your daughter in a position to defend her own accommodations? Absolutely unacceptable. I totally get wanting to educate this teacher instead of just blasting them with anger (which, let’s be honest, at times they kinda deserve). Here are a few short but impactful resources you can send: 1. The Classic: “F.A.T. City” Workshop (Frustration, Anxiety, Tension) Video Richard Lavoie’s “How Hard Can This Be?” This is an eye-opening workshop where a specialist makes neurotypical teachers feel what it’s like to have a learning disability. Every teacher should be required to watch this. 2. Harvard Article: Why Neurodivergent Kids Work 2x as Hard Article The Twice-Exceptional Dilemma This explains how 2e students work harder than neurotypical peers and why accommodations are essential—not a “crutch.” 3. One-Liner Response for the Future For your daughter: "My IEP is set up so I can access learning, not just so I can get good grades." For the teacher: "Accommodations don’t make learning easier—they make it possible." Would love to hear how this goes. Hopefully, the teacher has enough self-awareness to take the hint.