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Lisa - I really needed to hear this. Thank you for next steps, validation that I am not overreacting, and motivation to keep advocating. I purchased your online training a few years ago, and it has been so helpful!

Whew—this is such a powerful, clear, and unfortunately very common story for 2e (twice exceptional) kids in public school. First, you’re doing everything right—you’ve documented, provided outside data, shown samples, advocated consistently, and kept the focus on your child’s actual experience—not just the grades or scores. Here’s the heart of the issue: your son is masking his disabilities with his strengths, and the school is choosing to see only the strengths. That’s not just frustrating—it’s a systemic failure for so many 2e kids. You're right that "relative to ability" isn't part of the eligibility criteria under IDEA anymore, and that makes it harder to qualify under SLD if a student is still performing at or above grade level. But nothing in the law says schools can't consider the discrepancy between a student’s ability and their actual performance—or how hard they’re working to maintain those grades. That’s a red flag the team is ignoring. Here are some suggestions and next steps: 1. Ask for an Independent Educational Evaluation (IEE) at public expense. If the school’s reevaluation was surface-level or didn't fully assess his functional performance, especially in reading and writing under stress or timed conditions, this is your next move. You have the right to request it if you disagree with their evaluation. Read up before you do this (info on my site) because if the school declines, they're required to file for due process. 2. Ask for data on how the writing accommodations are being implemented. Teacher conferencing sounds nice, but without documentation, it's fluff. Ask: How often is it happening? What is being taught or corrected? How is progress tracked? I have a mini course on IEP progress monitoring. 3. Push for goals and services in written expression. You have the samples. You have the documentation. He’s not meeting grade-level expectations independently. Use that language. Ask for a meeting to specifically address writing fluency, spelling, and on-demand writing without supports. 4. Bring in the emotional impact. Stress, shutdown, refusal—these are all signs that he's not accessing the curriculum in a meaningful, functional way. Emotional distress is educational impact under IDEA. 5. Reframe the “good grades” argument. Say: “Good grades with heavy scaffolding are not the same as skill mastery. He is not progressing independently or sustainably. That’s not FAPE.” 6. Consider requesting an FBA. If he's overwhelmed, shutting down, or showing behavior at home tied to school stress, an FBA for emotional regulation in response to school demands might help. It also gives you a documented path toward support if burnout increases. 7. Lean into transition goals as you head toward high school. That self-advocacy skill you mentioned? That should be in the IEP. You can ask for direct instruction in self-advocacy and executive functioning as he prepares for the next stage. I know it’s exhausting—and it’s not fair that your son’s strengths are being used against him. But the fact that he wants to be in school, wants to do well, and is finally starting to speak up for himself? That’s a huge win. You’re not overreacting. You’re seeing the iceberg the school is trying to ignore—and trying to steer your son safely past it. I have sample language for these requests, letter templates, in the IEP toolkit which is being revised right now. You're doing an incredible job.

My son is in 7th grade at a large public school in Pennsylvania and qualified for an IEP under Autism. He's kind and very bright and wants to be an engineer but is having a really hard time with school. His school refuses to recognize him as gifted. He excels in math, and is two years advanced, and finds gen ed science unchallenging. He struggles with reading, particularly fluency, accuracy, and spelling, relying on memorization instead of sounding out words. Comprehension had been superior but is now slowly declining but still above average. His writing and handwriting are also problematic, but his scores remain average or above, which limits the help he can receive despite numerous accommodations. There were times he refused to read, write, or go to school in elementary, leading the school to require meetings with a guidance counselor despite our not wanting this, and it clearly being from a teacher with the attitude that he just wasn't trying hard enough. At the end of 6th grade, we shared a reading and language evaluation highlighting concerns in reading, writing, and spelling. The school reevaluated him and found results to be average but agreed to support him with essay writing, as writing was clearly not "average", through teacher conferences and small group instruction in writing, but it’s unclear whether it’s being implemented effectively. We have concerns about when teacher conferencing and autocorrect aren't available (tests, on-demand writing, sharing info with peers). Recently, we brought up our ongoing concerns about read and writing and also lack of progress and provided writing samples and reading probes. Without autocorrect and typing, his written responses are at a lower level than his verbal response would be and not at a 7th grade level. In response, school staff suggested a reading evaluation by a program specialist to gather more data, which was clarified to be a screening rather than another formal evaluation. We found this process confusing and questioned why previous concerns were handled differently. The current laws do not recognize his reading and writing disabilities since the school sees him as on grade level and at the top of his class, which feels unfair. While he maintains good grades with support, he experiences stress and struggles with the workload. We hope he can remain in public school, but it greatly depends on his teachers’ understanding of him. We are considering potential changes to his schooling arrangements, although we really want him to stay in public school, but it depends on his teachers and if they "get" him as to how each year goes. This year has been relatively good. He is working on self-advocacy and just started to gain some confidence in what he needs and how to ask for it. Although, it's difficult for him to self-advocate in an environment that doesn't fully recognize his needs or call them what they really are. It's very confusing and frustrating. He also has a hard time finding peers to connect with that have similar interests and at the same level. Our main problem with getting help for our son is that "relative to ability" was removed leaving only relative to age or grade-level for qualifying for help as an SLD under IDEA and State criteria. So, the law does not "see" his reading and writing disabilities, because he's not below grade level which seems discriminatory to Twice Exceptional students just as requiring discrepancy between ability and achievement was not "seeing" all students who needed help prior to this change in 2006, and thus it's been difficult finding and advocate or attorney who understands and can give advice. My son does have discrepancies and would most likely qualify for SLD in reading and writing if he didn't first have to be below age and grade-level. The school points to his excellent grades, however he has a lot of support and leeway to achieve this, but my son shows stress, big emotions, and behaviors at home that indicate everything is not okay at school as he is using higher level reasoning and abilities to compensate for lower level deficits. (He skims, he's good at using context, but is being overwhelmed with the workload in 7th grade.) He is willing to do very , very minimal homework and reading and writing tutoring after school, because he doesn't want to do more school stuff at home especially since the school is not meeting his needs in a way that works for him and he's exhausted at the end of the day. Note, we first brought reading and writing concerns to the school in 1st grade when he became very upset and refused to do these things at home. He has many great skills that will serve him well in adult life, but he has to get through school first. I'd appreciate any tips for 2e kids in public schools that don't seem to "see" them? Thanks!

This is to determine eligibility for evaluation. I'm just the gen ed teacher so I'm not sure what categories they'll be looking at. It was basically Mom saying "Kid has bad grades, we have some personal worries about ability, can we look into getting evaluated?" The school is not through a district but through the state. Parents picked it because their work schedules interfere with drop-off/pick-up for neighborhood school.

Is the "evaluation meeting" the first evaluation meeting and the one to determine eligibility for the first time? Also, what eligibility categories are you going to be looking at? If you're looking at specific learning disabilities, then an evaluation showing low scores in academics could definitely (and legally) take into consideration all the absences as a reason for the low scores. Especially if those absences have reached the point of non-compliance with state policy/regs. However, if the disability is something like ADHD, maybe that is the reason FOR the absences. What was the reason the parents chose an online school and is it through the school district?

I have a student with an evaluation meeting coming up. I am somewhat worried that the team might decide, however, that this kid simply has not had enough access to education to not rule out that factor. It's an online school chosen by the parents. However, both parents work and the kid is meeting the bare minimum for attending classes and schoolwork. And I mean the barest minimum and they are somewhat in the trouble zone with the school and state for not doing more. So, yeah, I am worried this meeting might turn into "but Kid also hasn't been regularly practicing such-n-such or attending these required classes." How would the law looking at an IEP approach how much schoolwork a student did?

Ugh, what a mess—and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. The short answer? No, they should not be threatening to move your son back to his old school because of absences related to his disability. Here’s why: This is a disability-related attendance issue Your son has ADHD and severe anxiety, both of which are documented disabilities. The absences are excused and tied to medical and therapeutic needs, which means this isn’t just a truancy issue—it’s a disability access issue. Placement decisions must be based on the IEP—not attendance numbers IDEA requires that placement decisions (which include which school he attends) be made by the IEP team and based on the least restrictive environment for that student—not on whether a principal or teacher is frustrated with absences. They cannot unilaterally change his placement because it’s more convenient or “easier for them.” This could be disability discrimination under Section 504 If the school is penalizing your child because of disability-related absences, that can be seen as discrimination. Especially if the absences are backed by doctor’s notes and tied to therapy or health care. You need to put this in writing—now Send a formal letter/email to the school (cc the principal, IEP case manager, and district special ed director) stating: The absences are due to documented disabilities and supported by medical notes You are requesting that the IEP be reviewed and amended to include accommodations for medical-related absences You want written confirmation that they are not moving him without an IEP team meeting and without your consent And make it crystal clear: if they attempt to move him based on absences, you’ll consider it a procedural violation and possible 504/ADA discrimination. Also—document the teacher’s complaints if you haven’t already. That kind of pressure can sometimes lead to retaliation, and it’s better to have a paper trail. You’re doing exactly what you should: standing up and asking questions. Now it’s time to put it in writing and hold the district accountable. You’ve got this.

Hello! So my son (9yo) was diagnosed with adhd and severe anxiety. He does have an IEP but it doesn’t include absences. He’s missed 28 days and 10 early sign outs. Most have dr notes because they are for therapy and dr appointments. They are all excused. Here is the thing, his teacher isn’t happy with it and keeps complaining to the principal. He’s transferred to a different school in same district because he was bullied at his last school. Because of his absences they are threatening to move him back to his old school next year. I’m extremely worried. I’m in NC and I have tried to search for information on this and can’t find anything. Can they do this?

Request a special education evaluation in the area of social/emotional/behavior. List all the reasons you state above. Attach the autism and anxiety diagnoses. Ask the teacher to report what he or she sees in the classroom, at lunch, at recess, and at specials in terms of her responding to questions, making conversations, having friends, etc. and attach that feedback. The school must already see a need in terms of social skills if she's seeing the counselor for that. Those skills can be addressed in an IEP with goals and specialized instruction.

I wrote about my daughter back in November who was only given a 504. We are going to address the school again to get an IEP going for the fall. I am just wondering what supports to ask for for her. She received Speech, OT, PT, and works with the counselor on social skills currently. She has autism and anxiety, her IQ was around 124 which is why she was denied. She needs support with social skills, she struggles to understand the unwritten social norms around friends. She did an assignment in January that had a fill in the blank and the sentence said " School makes me feel worried" School constantly tells us she is doing so well or she's come so far but she consistently comes home expressing how hard it is for her, or that she doesn't want to go, or that she doesn't understand certain social interactions. I know she needs more support but I don't know what to ask for and I don't trust that they will make her a robust individualized plan

With my son, he wouldn't do the book reports that were assigned throughout middle school. The special ed supervisor kept saying 'it's will not skill'. (She was the LEA at his IEP meetings.) I had no proof to refute this. In HS (while COVID was going on), I finally wrote to his IEP team after they did his triennial eval (RR due to COVID) that I felt it doesn't match what we are seeing. I asked for a neuropsych eval - I wanted an IEE but they offered to do one with a neuropsych who was on contract with our IU and I agreed to it. The result was that he has dysgraphia - something that I had suspected in preschool and the school had looked at more than once when he was in elementary school and had said he didn't have. He was in 11th grade and was finally getting the accommodations he should have had 12 years ago when he started kindergarten and his teacher had asked about an eval for OT. The school couldn't do one then because he had been evaluated for OT when he was in preschool and a year hadn't passed so the eval wouldn't have provided valid results. Part of the gaslighting was that OTs are credentialed to evaluate dysgraphia. I don't believe that's true even though that's who did the evals in elementary where they said he didn't have dysgraphia. The interactions with this school have been very frustrating with getting the right support for my children. My daughter was evaluated for autism in 6th grade. After an incident in 8th grade, I was asked to give my permission for a psychiatric evaluation. The conclusion of that eval was that she has Aspergers (later changed to autism level 1) and needed an IEP with the autism box checked. She had these same issues when she started kindergarten but I wasn't aware of how IEPs and special ed worked. This is the reason why I advocate. I don't want to see other families have to deal with the same things my family have had to deal with.

Schools love to say, “That never happened,” or “We didn’t say that,” or “We’ve never done that before.” What’s the worst case of gaslighting you’ve experienced? How did you document and push back?

It's always good to make requests in writing as it creates a paper trail so things don't end up a he said/she said situation. This includes following up with a letter/email after an IEP/ARD meeting. With a speech only IEP, the case manager tends to be an SLP who wouldn't be able to include things unrelated to speech. Also, Tiered support is gen ed and there isn't any paperwork required. The thought behind this is you see an issue, you provide help to the student, the student catches up and stays caught up. Reading between these lines: no disability was present so an IEP wasn't needed. I'm a question person. Rather than asking for Tier 2 in math, I'd say: My child is struggling with math. What can be done to help him? If they don't have Tiered support, they might have a teacher who can help if he gets to school early or has a ride so he can stay late. (Odds are the school would say wait & see but they can also say that a special ed eval in math is a possibility.) To answer your question about PWN: The PWNs I've seen have be extremely vague. A request like this wouldn't have made it onto a PWN. It would have been better to have requested that your concern about your child's poor grades in math go under 'parent concerns' in the IEP. This gets it into writing where anyone reading through the IEP can see that you have concerns about how your child is doing in math. As Lisa would say, PWN in this situation is not a hill to die on. The evals they do for special ed are not like the tests that teachers write to assess how well a student has understood their instruction. Special ed assessments are normed or tested. It's possible there is no disability when a student doesn't do well on a teacher's test. They could have been having an off day or they might not be grasping the concept being taught. (I do agree with you that when a student isn't doing well in math, the school should have something in place so they can get extra support & hopefully catch up.)

This child is in special education under speech only. I want some help in math because he has failed two straight grade periods in math. My train of thought was that the school could provide tier II instruction to help him catch up. I also asked for him to be evaluated for learning disability in math. The testing is complete and we are scheduled for a meeting. But as stated in the above post, being in an ARD meeting for a child that is in Speech only special education. So if I understand your opinion, if I ask for something that is in general education, perhaps it won't require a PWN if my request is rejected. Also what I'm learning from educational web sites and gov web sites is that even though a child has a problem, that problem must rise to level of actually negatively affecting his/her learning. I get that but I would like to know from tests, myself, when they don't meet the standard. Hopefully I can get more clarity during the meeting.

Just in general, you should make EVERY request to the school district in writing - whether or not it has to do with special education and whether or not you asked for it in a meeting. If you did think of it and ask during a meeting, jot down a note to yourself to send a follow up email reiterating your request to the team. Specifically, I'm not sure I can answer your question. Is the child eligible for a specific learning disability in math? If not, there would be no requirement for the school district to provide special education services in math and a PWN rejecting eligibility in a specific learning disability for math would encompass this. Your use of the term "Tier intervention" leads me to believe you were asking for something provided in the general education setting, in which case a PWN would not apply. If you child is eligible in specific learning disability (math), the services provided would not be provided in the general education setting. Others can correct me if I'm off base here. Also, Little Papa3, please reach back out with any clarification questions.

In a previous ARD meeting I requested Tier intervention for math. It was not approved because they stated that they only do Tier intervention for reading. I did not make that request (directly) in writing but, I did during the meeting. Since our next meeting is coming up and I had not gotten a PWN, I sent an email inquiring about it. They called and left a voice mail indicating that we will talk about it at the meeting. With all of this being new to me, I thought if you requested some service and it was rejected or not approved, a PWN was due. Or did I make a technical error by not putting it in writing?

My son has a standing desk with the ability to pace the back of the class in his 504. It really helps him focus.

Thank you so much. DDS (Department of Developmental Services) is going to help us and review the evaluations. Our case manager is also coming to the meeting. She cannot serve as an advocate, but she said that we could get a consultation with an intern advocate with the Federation for Children with Special Needs as well as have her in the meeting and then DDS would contribute funds towards an advocate. I plan on putting together all of the emails that have gone between myself and the school to show his challenges. It's all documented in writing with the exception of the quote incident. That information came from my son and the teacher has not confirmed nor denied it. I apologize for any typos. I can't see everything that I am typing through the ads. Thank you for this forum and for your reply!

I remember being in a meeting with my special ed director. She said that the school is obligated to meet the needs of students - it's really another way of saying they need to provide FAPE. Doesn't matter if what the student needs currently exists or not. They need to meet his neets. If it is appropriate for him to take Regents Chemistry as a co-taught class, they need to provide it. I'm not from NY so I'm not exactly sure what a Regents Chemistry does versus the non-Regents version of the class. I did find this with doing a search of case law in NY: https://scholar.google.com/scholar_case?case=3365753441522273465&q=co+taught+regents&hl=en&as_sdt=4,33 If he's denied the class, he's being denied the Regents diploma. If the Regents diploma is FAPE, he need the co-taught Regents class.

You can use medical assistance to see a provider who can evaluate for medical autism - or if she's covered under employer insurance, it can be done with a copay or 2. A full neuropsych eval is nice to have but it's hard to get it covered and expensive if it's not covered. A psychologist with the right training can do the assessment. It might take a handful of phone calls and waiting for a few months to have it done but this is doable. We had BHRS (now IBHS) services for my daughter. They were the ones who evaluated her for autism when we were looking to renew the authorization for services. It was a rating scale that I filled out. And it's a good idea to have a backup plan. What happened with my friend was she signed up for the ID waiver and they had ID supports lined up. Then the school redid the IQ test and he was low but no longer ID. He's also got autism so he'll still be able to get a waiver but the transition program was no longer a good fit. With autism, my big concern tends to be social skills. This is one thing that can hold a person back from being able to hold a job. I'd definitely ask the school to evaluate this if they haven't already.

My son is currently a sophomore. He has an IEP with co-taught ELA, social studies and science. Math is not in there because he was a year ahead. (Now I wish I would have fought for that, he’s struggling a little with the higher level). Next year he wants to take chemistry. Our district is refusing to put him in co-taught chemistry. They are only allowing him to take a non regents level chem because they don’t offer regular level chem as co-taught. We are going to hire a lawyer to fight this. He doesn’t want to take a lower class because they refuse co-teaching. He has every right to take the regular level class. Is this something worth fighting?

Thank you so much for the information. I will definitely check out the video! My daughter is verbal and I was actually the one advocating for the ID classification based on her cognitive testing. My main reason for pushing for ID was because she didn't have the autism medical diagnosis and I was worried that she would leave school with no real options for accessing resources after graduation. I don't know if this makes sense or not but that was a worry of mine. Now that she has the ID classification, I just can't help but wonder if the autism medical diagnosis would still be a benefit for her moving into adulthood. But I know the cost to have her evaluated and that is really not financially an option for us right now. We have met with a representative from our county to get her name on the necessary lists. I just want to make sure I'm not leaving something on the table for her. Thanks again for the help!

I remember talking to a person who worked as a school psychologist - she now does IEEs. She remembers a student who was immune-compromised and would have graduated ~15 years ago. What he school did was livestream his classes so he didn't have to get exposed to all the germs at school. Not sure if your district would be willing to do this. Also, there are robots with cameras & speakers that a school can buy which would allow a student to attend classes. This website has info: https://provenrobotics.ai/telepresence-robots-in-education/ This one too: https://www.cnn.com/business/tech/av1-robot-sick-children-school-spc/index.html This is a longer video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMcsPOvdMbw The embedded video is shorter. (I didn't watch them all the way through. I'm assuming they are 'appropriate'.) If your son is present via a robot, he's present & not absent. This could definitely be an IEP accommodation.

In PA, all disabled children are eligible for Medicaid (also called Medical Assistance). With either an ID or autism diagnosis, there are adults waivers that that they could be eligible for as well. (Good to get on the waitlist in your county now so they can plan for when your child graduates HS & needs the waiver funding.) I'm not sure the medical autism diagnosis is really needed. Providers should be told of the autism diagnosis because you approach a person differently when autism is present in addition to ID. If your child is non-speaking, I'd encourage you to watch the movie Spellers on YouTube. My friend's son was given an ID diagnosis. It was given because there wasn't a good way to assess him because he's got autism and apraxia. The apraxia made his speech & fine motor unreliable. He spells now and is taking college classes. Given what he says via spelling, I feel he should have had a GIEP. He's Vince. His story starts at 46:00: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8h1rcLyznK0

Thank you for the information. I hope you don't mind a follow up question. We do live in PA so I'd be interested in hearing the PA specific benefits and, she has an intellectual disability classification as well from school. Does that change whether having the medical autism diagnosis is as important in order to access services or does the ID classification provide much of the safe resources? Thank you again!!!