I agree. Us as parents are one of the most important IEP Team members yet we are treated as just a parent. We do our research and take time creating parent concern letters that include our suggestions for a resolution only to be told things like,"We don't do that at this school." or "We do not witness that here so your child doesn't qualify for that." Or we are told our child can not receive that because....(anything that discredits our children's need for requested accommodation and or services) or we and our requests are simply disregarded. Not using the terms or word play that the school uses is also enough to get your request(s) denied...example: I'm requesting (said aid or service) because it is something my child needs to be able to learn.《~~This no matter how true ir valid is always denied. However, if you simply change your word play to....I'm requesting (said aid or service) to allow my child a fair, equal, and level playing field to properly and adequately obtain their FAPE required by federal law in accordance with the IDEA STATUTE & REGULATIONS.《~~~This wording is more likely to get your request approved especially if they know that you are educated on the subject and who/how to appeal or report when FAPE and IDEA LAWS are not being followed or provided.
1.) I would recommend you to read Wright's Law for IEP.
2.) Checking to see if your state has what Maryland has. We have Parents Place of Maryland (PPMD) which is a parent educational program that knows the rights and Federal laws and Regulations who will also participate I'm your child’s IEP meeting and or even help when your child needs behavioral/mental Hospitalization, Residential Treatment Center, and or Group Home Placement. They also have no problem calling a school out when they are not doing what they should be in accordance with Federal Regulations and Guidelines.
3.) Requesting assistance from your states Disability Rights Agency.
4.) Search to see if your area of residence or County has a volunteer advocate center. Where I live we have C.C.A.C. which stands for _____, County, Advocate, Center.
5.) Self Educate to the best of your ability using YouTube, GOOGLE, and your Local Library.
6.) Last but not least...Hire an advocate to assist you and your child on the IEP.