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First off I like having this anonymity this form provides.  We have another IEP meeting coming up I’m nervous.  This one is potentially to discuss the results from the FBA. 

I personally feel like I struggle communicating with the school. The teachers feedback says one thing and my child another.  I ask for things outside team members (non school district people) mention to me to request.  And none of them ever seem to know what I am talking about. 

Last school year (different school) we had an open communication and I felt less anxious.

How do you handle IEP meetings when the other team members do not provide feedback. And if they do it’s defensive. 

My child is in general education class. His case manager doesn’t work with him. I didn’t find out they were pulling in other staff people to assist with. Until I made suggestions about establishing safe contact people. I feel like I’m kept in the dark unless I ask specific questions. 

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Not sure if they will give it to you, but I'd ask for a copy of the FBA so I can become familiar with it before you meet with the school team.  Not sure what to do when an IEP team isn't on the same page as you are with knowing how services are being delivered.  What does it look like? is a good question to ask when they tell you about a service your child will get.

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I like to do most of my communicating outside of the meeting. What I mean by that is that I always write a Parent Concerns letter prior to the meeting and give it to the team a week or two beforehand. Here's a great template to get you started https://adayinourshoes.com/parent-concerns-on-the-iep-parent-letter-of-attachment/. I also regularly communicate with all of the team members, usually by email, throughout the school year, not just at IEP time. I share with them goals and progress that my child makes in outside therapies and ask what he's working on and doing in school services. The last thing I do is ask for a draft IEP and any reports, evaluations, etc. that the team will be using in the meeting.  (In my state there is no requirement that they provide these beforehand but I find that they usually comply if I ask).  Typically, the more I prepare and participate in and out of meetings, the less anxious I am about the whole process. If that doesn't help though, I would reach out to my state's parent training and support center and/or consider hiring an advocate to help me through the process. Sometimes just having someone that "speaks the language" can change the entire tone of the meeting.

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Michigan mother of two with IEPs, and owner of MI Student Advocacy Services. Trying to change the world one IEP at a time. 





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  • 5 weeks later...

They used to do this with me as well. I chatted to 211 and ask if there's anyone who can advocate for me. Before asking them there was no one now I have 2 parents (certified) advocates. They communicate with me before any IEP meetings and we are in the same page in the meetings as well. Never go alone to IEP meetings take someone with you.  After 1.5 years of long struggle finally am able to get what I want for my child. Still more to go. But at least the depressive struggle is gone now. 

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  • 2 months later...

I agree. Us as parents are one of the most important IEP Team members yet we are treated as just a parent. We do our research and take time creating parent concern letters that include our suggestions for a resolution only to be told things like,"We don't do that at this school." or "We do not witness that here so your child doesn't qualify for that." Or we are told our child can not receive that because....(anything that discredits our children's need for requested accommodation and or services) or we and our requests are simply disregarded.  Not using the terms or word play that the school uses is also enough to get your request(s) denied...example: I'm requesting (said aid or service) because it is something my child needs to be able to learn.《~~This no matter how true ir valid is always denied.  However, if you simply change your word play to....I'm requesting (said aid or service) to allow my child a fair, equal, and level playing field to properly and adequately obtain their FAPE required by federal law in accordance with the IDEA STATUTE & REGULATIONS.《~~~This wording is more likely to get your request approved especially if they know that you are educated on the subject and who/how to appeal or report when FAPE and IDEA LAWS are not being followed or provided.

1.) I would recommend you to read Wright's Law for IEP. 

2.) Checking to see if your state has what Maryland has. We have Parents Place of Maryland (PPMD) which is a parent educational program that knows the rights and Federal laws and Regulations who will also participate I'm your child’s IEP meeting and or even help when your child needs behavioral/mental Hospitalization, Residential Treatment Center, and or Group Home Placement. They also have no problem calling a school out when they are not doing what they should be in accordance with Federal Regulations and Guidelines. 

3.) Requesting assistance from your states Disability Rights Agency.

4.) Search to see if your area of residence or County has a volunteer advocate center. Where I live we have C.C.A.C. which stands for _____, County, Advocate, Center.

5.) Self Educate to the best of your ability using YouTube, GOOGLE, and your Local Library. 

6.) Last but not least...Hire an advocate to assist you and your child on the IEP.




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