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The post about the extraordinary burden of IEPs on Moms got me thinking today that the biggest burden I carry is the awareness of the extent of my child's challenges. He presents typically which creates an illusion of competence. The reality is that he is falling further behind grade level at school, and further behind his peers socially and with ADLs. I am holding him together in multiple ways and if something were to happen to me I have no idea what would become of him. Given his skill set I cannot imagine him living independently or supporting himself financially. I'm not worrying unrealistically. I worked with his age group for over 10 years and can see how far outside the norm he is, and how he continues to fall further behind. He'll be an adult in just a few years, the window to turn things around is rapidly closing. His school doesn't see it. They alternate between not seeing his disability and blaming all the signs of it on him. Even his father doesn't see it. The other day he said he could picture our child becoming an engineer. My child cannot do a simple jigsaw puzzle and fails every single math and science test in the lowest level of class his school offers. While we cannot know the future I am not seeing engineer without some significant intervention. I'm the one who does all the IEP correspondence, pays for the tutors, finds and pays for the advocates, while my child's father naively assumes everything will be just fine and does (and pays for) nothing. I feel so alone. I'm not looking for advice, I have an advocate helping me with his IEP. I just want to feel less alone.

Basically just say at the IEP meeting we asked for the following items (then list what you asked for that they said no to), please provide us with the PWN for all of these items. And then expect the PWN to be stupid...but you are building the paper trail.

They can't, since this is a re-evaluation and not an initial evaluation. The only basis for denying one would be that it has not been one year since the last evaluation. I would file a state complaint for this very obvious and clear-cut procedural violation.

Does the student at least have a 504? To give her some accommodations for her attention issues, anxiety, and depression? You might want to pursue this path WHILE you are fighting the IEP battle, just to get something in place. Or is the school saying she doesn't have a disability because she doesn't have a diagnosis of ADHD or anxiety? If so, request an IEE so that (hopefully) you can get some diagnoses on the record and they have to provide a 504. Then when the IEP is finally implemented, the accommodations can switch over to that document. They can DEFINITELY do something to support her with turning in homework. It is untrue that the school doesn't have to address the school avoidance issue. They have to look for the cause of the school avoidance and see what supports can be put in place to help the situation. Otherwise, her missing so much school results in them not providing FAPE. Request a Functional Behavioral Assessment (FBA). If they refuse, ask for an IEE. What does their "reading at grade level" mean? Did they look at accuracy, fluency, AND comprehension? She may be able to read, but if she is not reading fast enough and/or not understanding/retaining what she is reading, that might be why she is "reluctant" to read. If the school eval didn't dig deep enough, again, ask for an IEE. Unfortunately, is sounds like your state's DOE will be no help, and I'm sure the school district knows that. Any legal counsel who says getting parent input is "inefficient" is ignorant regarding the IDEA.

Thank you! I did feel that it would be best to wait. Thanks for confirming that for me. I have all the information and provider picked out for the IEE. Even have a date scheduled for the fall. Will be getting this neuropsych even if the district won’t pay

Also depending on the situation and why they feel the need for this much administration it can work in your favor...our District SPED director has come to some meetings and actually gotten the school to realize that I am correct with what I am asking for. (IE agreed on ESY, but I said we would be gone for the traditional time frame, and the school tried to be all too bad so sad, but director stated that since we agree on ESY it can be done outside the normal). Also we tend to have both principals involved because kiddo is a behavior so having both means they are both on the same page when problems happen. With that said be prepared and know the laws and what your kiddo needs with data.

I agree with JSD24 - the school has wide latitude in who they bring. You can question it, however. Four administrators does seem like overkill. Since they don't know your child or the disability, the only reason for them there is to be the person that can commit school resources (the LEA). But you don't need FOUR people for that role. Depending on how "brave" you are, you could reply to the meeting invitation asking for the role each participant will be playing. If four are for the exact same role, you could ask why this is needed. I would also advise reaching out to an advocate agency (your state department of education could help with this) so you can bring someone else for your "team." Or you could bring another relative, family friend, coach, etc., who knows your child and has a "strong" personality. Finally, I would look into whether your state offers facilitated IEP meetings. If so, I would definitely ask for one in this case. Neutral facilitators make sure that the parents are not intimidated and that all participants are equally heard. Sounds like you may need someone to ensure a level playing field. It also tends to make sure everyone shows up on time - one of your other issues.

It's the school party with holding an IEP meeting so they control who is invited. You want people who know the child, know the disability or know what the school can do for the child so these folks do fit the bill. Yes, it is intimidating sometimes to both parents & school staff.